Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
