why didn't you poke me back
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
