I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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