i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
