That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It's official drugs can't kill me
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
