this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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