I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
