____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
