So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
