So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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