I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
