What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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