Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
