3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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