that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
