my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
