you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
