Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
only if we run a train.
done.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
