can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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