The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
