new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
