I wannas sexs uuuuu
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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