I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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