wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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