All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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