I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
