I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
