i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS