Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite

  (650): View more from California

  Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good

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  (650): Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite (650): Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good http://tfl.nu/6hx1
  Replies (7) Good night (395) Bad night (699)
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  (949): View more from California

  It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.

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  (949): It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time. http://tfl.nu/w76y
  Replies (51) Good night (1512) Bad night (4826) Order T-Shirt
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.

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  (803): it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye. http://tfl.nu/rr5f
  Replies (53) Good night (2536) Bad night (4322) Order T-Shirt
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?

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  (727): I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what? http://tfl.nu/li5i
  Replies (37) Good night (5096) Bad night (1977) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.

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  (330): giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire. http://tfl.nu/oqcy
  Replies (12) Good night (1293) Bad night (5071) Order T-Shirt
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...

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  (210): Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend... http://tfl.nu/o37o
  Replies (15) Good night (5257) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.

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  (407): Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine. http://tfl.nu/l8j9
  Replies (19) Good night (1243) Bad night (2716) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.

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  (631): Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight. http://tfl.nu/prjm
  Replies (5) Good night (2034) Bad night (787) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.

  (1-615): View more from Tennessee

  Youre getting too old for this

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  (615): Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame. (1-615): Youre getting too old for this http://tfl.nu/7foh
  Replies (5) Good night (1392) Bad night (547) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night

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  (+44): i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night http://tfl.nu/5yd2
  Replies (4) Good night (602) Bad night (1407) Order T-Shirt
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"

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  (616): Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son" http://tfl.nu/3jto
  Replies (1) Good night (441) Bad night (596)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.

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  (208): Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that. http://tfl.nu/xdn8
  Replies (3) Good night (1339) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.

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  (317): I need to beat up a magician now. BRB. http://tfl.nu/9fa0
  Replies (12) Good night (1047) Bad night (397) Order T-Shirt
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.

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  (416): okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food. (647): Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40. http://tfl.nu/dr99
  Replies (5) Good night (787) Bad night (414)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO

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  (214): WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO http://tfl.nu/p2cw
  Replies (5) Good night (423) Bad night (65) Order T-Shirt

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