Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
23 People Confess The Trashiest Thing They’ve Seen In Person
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
19 Transgender People Reveal The First Sign That They Were Trans
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.