I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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