SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
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My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
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she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.