We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
