We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
