Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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