Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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