i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
