It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
