im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
