Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
