i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
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