he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
