She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
