College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
