I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize