Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
