Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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