woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
this is an emotional support booty call
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
