He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
