Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
