Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
