Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
