i love accidental penises.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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