6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
