Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
