Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
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