Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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