what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Let's paint friendship bongs
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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