is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
