ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
