barbara walters just said penis...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
