I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
