Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  tweet Hawks Win!! tweet

  (847): View more from Illinois

  That's how twitter works, right?

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  (847): tweet Hawks Win!! tweet (847): That's how twitter works, right? http://tfl.nu/21xu
  Replies (12) Good night (1585) Bad night (953)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.

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  (856): take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month. http://tfl.nu/ebzl
  Replies (23) Good night (848) Bad night (4230)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...

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  (216): you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito... http://tfl.nu/yq5b
  Replies (9) Good night (4392) Bad night (875)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon

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  (416): I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon http://tfl.nu/5ghl
  Replies (23) Good night (7509) Bad night (1060)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.

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  (317): I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend. http://tfl.nu/dbby
  Replies (6) Good night (3145) Bad night (892)
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  (510): View more from California

  You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink

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  (510): You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink http://tfl.nu/uf46
  Replies (3) Good night (2896) Bad night (842)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  they call him Oral-B. enough said

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  (905): they call him Oral-B. enough said http://tfl.nu/vhzo
  Replies (12) Good night (3012) Bad night (818)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on

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  (717): Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on http://tfl.nu/fp8y
  Replies (6) Good night (2836) Bad night (877)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks

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  (617): cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks http://tfl.nu/gqzi
  Replies (11) Good night (3373) Bad night (755)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.

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  (231): Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess. http://tfl.nu/xzef
  Replies (2) Good night (1113) Bad night (495)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  What do you wear to apply at a strip club?

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  (734): What do you wear to apply at a strip club? http://tfl.nu/ttz5
  Replies (17) Good night (2224) Bad night (715)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.

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  (618): Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum. http://tfl.nu/gdla
  Replies (8) Good night (1549) Bad night (519)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?

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  (+61): I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence? http://tfl.nu/7wi3
  Replies (1) Good night (495) Bad night (369)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.

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  (541): His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son. http://tfl.nu/6u89
  Replies (11) Good night (704) Bad night (213)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.

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  (775): And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward. http://tfl.nu/jda5
  Replies (1) Good night (238) Bad night (414)

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