Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.

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  (313): Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical. http://tfl.nu/9qp0
  Replies (2) Good night (849) Bad night (1075)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.

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  (703): I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts. http://tfl.nu/s7w5
  Replies (12) Good night (693) Bad night (1249)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom

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  (847): just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom http://tfl.nu/dq56
  Replies (12) Good night (842) Bad night (3765)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.

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  (610): There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper. http://tfl.nu/5c6l
  Replies (7) Good night (741) Bad night (2760)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.

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  (386): I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to. http://tfl.nu/dqrr
  Replies (44) Good night (1895) Bad night (5581)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.

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  (917): Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick. http://tfl.nu/czw4
  Replies (26) Good night (3514) Bad night (776)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?

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  (423): I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I? http://tfl.nu/fiqy
  Replies (5) Good night (2638) Bad night (1078)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.

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  (903): Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning. http://tfl.nu/i0lg
  Replies (6) Good night (3030) Bad night (1008)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.

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  (239): i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose. http://tfl.nu/xxid
  Replies (6) Good night (896) Bad night (2597)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions

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  (609): Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles? (1-609): In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions http://tfl.nu/67pw
  Replies (2) Good night (1837) Bad night (518)
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  (585): View more from New York

  javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks

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  (585): javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks http://tfl.nu/0lfa
  Replies (7) Good night (1165) Bad night (1170)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?

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  (604): Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You? http://tfl.nu/pz94
  Replies (4) Good night (478) Bad night (820)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.

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  (+44): Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process. http://tfl.nu/j8pd
  Replies (1) Good night (592) Bad night (266)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.

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  (419): Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down. http://tfl.nu/vl8q
  Replies (2) Good night (687) Bad night (267)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"

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  (334): Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning" http://tfl.nu/rbo4
  Replies (1) Good night (354) Bad night (232)

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