I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night