Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
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No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
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I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.