I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???