Texts From Last Night

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  (607): View more from New York

  I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie

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  (607): I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie http://tfl.nu/m38d
  Replies (7) Good night (1231) Bad night (2274)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement

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  (717): John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement http://tfl.nu/es6t
  Replies (53) Good night (819) Bad night (4761)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'

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  (512): I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood' http://tfl.nu/xp6j
  Replies (14) Good night (2002) Bad night (6988)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious

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  (214): Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious http://tfl.nu/ofzu
  Replies (31) Good night (6138) Bad night (906)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.

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  (856): It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore. http://tfl.nu/4nio
  Replies (9) Good night (1490) Bad night (4517)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.

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  (208): My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done. http://tfl.nu/2aew
  Replies (23) Good night (4145) Bad night (1899)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.

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  (804): Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster. http://tfl.nu/ns19
  Replies (10) Good night (3633) Bad night (1077)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.

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  (609): please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future. http://tfl.nu/vzzo
  Replies (7) Good night (2670) Bad night (626)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm

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  (505): I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm http://tfl.nu/1dm0
  Replies (4) Good night (751) Bad night (1193)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.

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  (205): Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line. http://tfl.nu/zcb1
  Replies (9) Good night (888) Bad night (538)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.

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  (928): The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death. http://tfl.nu/lz31
  Replies (11) Good night (485) Bad night (1810)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.

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  (410): If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board. http://tfl.nu/zly7
  Replies (4) Good night (941) Bad night (487)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out

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  (765): i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out http://tfl.nu/3iy5
  Replies (8) Good night (790) Bad night (338)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  He stood me up.

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.

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  (724): He stood me up. (724): I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone. http://tfl.nu/xslj
  Replies (3) Good night (570) Bad night (274)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE

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  (860): I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE http://tfl.nu/oj52
  Replies (0) Good night (832) Bad night (256)

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