the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit