A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes