my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I cut my penus on the lid.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
