I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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