I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Congratulations! We have a period
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
