I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
