Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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