Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
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He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
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So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I'm really busy with my period
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