how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
