I think my fart just growled at me.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize