Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
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