apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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